Finding Solace in Moment of Lost

BEARING BEING SINGLE FOR LIFE

In Memory of Luis D. Quetulio (1952 – 2010)

Let the dead past bury its dead! – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Death strikes thrice in our family this year with the sudden passing of my uncle, Luis D. Quetulio, a week before Christmas, 15th of December at about 3 pm at the Saint Dominic Hospital in Bacoor, Cavite. He was 58 years old. Unlike my other uncles who passed-away this year, uncle Chito, as he is fondly called, was not a family man.

In keeping with customs and tradition, uncle Chito was laid in state for the final respect. The three-day wake until the interment was exclusively family and a few close friends. Unlike my two other uncles who passed-away earlier this year, his funeral is very private. It is so much like him. He was a recluse in life and never was outgoing or as cordial to others. As a bachelor, he was even labeled as masungit (irritable) or suplado (discriminating of people). I even perceived him to be some kind of an anti-social person. But we as his family had learned how to put-up with his disposition. If no one could, who would? Afterall, he only had us.

Uncle Chito in his youth had his share of recklessness. There was the untold story of his having sired a son out of wedlock. Family shame runs strong in our blood that no one openly talked about it but only in private and during hushed conversations. Years later, it was alleged that another offspring was in the offing through his live-in partner but they parted ways even before the confirmation of the woman’s pregnancy.

In most part, uncle Chito was a private person. He minds his own business and never meddled in anyone’s affair. Unfortunately, he was never as amiable or friendly as the average person. Yet, the few people he was able to connect with can say how good a man he was. In a way, he was never totally alone.

One of those who paid their last respect for uncle Chito was our relative who is an evangelical pastor and his wife. (see blogpost http://dan-flame.blogspot.com/2010/06/fatherhood-embodiment-of-masculinity.htm l) It irks me that the wife always taunts about my single life and demands that I get married and have children. It was not the idea of marriage or having children that irritates me but her insinuation which challenges my sexuality or perhaps questions my moral integrity as a single person.

It was trivial to say the least. And I shouldn’t be bothered by anyone’s shallow perception of life. Afterall, I don’t owe anyone an explanation about my so-called lifestyle or gender orientation. But for the purpose of discussion, I would bother to say that the challenges of single people becomes too much because of the unnecessary pressure from the insolent and the prejudice of the ignorant.

With the challenges, single life has its responsibilities. Foremost is the responsibility to oneself. To live responsibly is to take care of oneself, one’s well-being. Most of us are careful with how we project to people because we do suffer an unspoken prejudice. So we become more responsible with our action and how we speak. Many think, we single people are deviants or bordering on social ineptitude. Yet there may be cases of such, this is not an absolute truth. Most of us are as regular (normal) as anyone else. We may abide strictly to certain code of conduct because we strongly sense an unjust bias against our character. For those who see our being single as an excuse to get into fornication or sexual plethora, they have to know us and be surprised to discover that we upheld moral standards even higher than those who are married or have family.

Certain single people had been successful in their respective endeavors because they were more focused and greater concentrated to their task than their counterparts. Some may suffer hang-ups, but who isn’t have one? Spouses and those with family have their own share of personal dilemmas, too. While married people may cope easier than single people when facing personal predicaments, it is not always the case. Many single people are emotionally strong and are very resilient. They can manage to be happy and feel love with the company of relatives and friends. They are confident and have a strong sense of self-worth not guaranteed to those who define themselves only by their conjugal relationship.

Moreover, many single people had learned how to sublimate their basic sexual urges to more creative endeavors. Their sexual energies instead vested on procreation are used for non-sexual productivity. Their sensual expressions transcend the physical and are given a greater spiritual, even mystical, dimension. Contrary to popular banters that celibate people are sexually frustrated, most had lived fulfilled and happy lives.

Philippine culture is rooted deeply in the family. Getting married and raising kids are the traditions of the society. While these concepts are universal, it is much more pronounced in our culture than it is in more developed countries. No wonder issues such as the divorce law and the Reproductive Health Bill are forefront in the national issue. It is bitterly debated and takes the economic issues backstage. Having a bachelor as President of the Republic (himself facing societal pressure) does not help resolve the issues but makes them more salacious and controversial fueling the animosity between the Catholic church and the government.

It is a common experience for any single Filipino of marital age to be asked, “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “When are you tying the knot?” It is less complicated to answer if one has already sired a child. But for unmarried and no offspring it is almost embarrassing. Some would further ask, “Who will take care of you when you get old?” As if adding insult to injury continues, “It’ll be a pity that no one will cry for you when you die.”

I knew many single people who had learned how to deal with these “unholy” inquisitions. I personally had been at ease answering yet there are times when it still gets into you especially when the questions are imbued with malice and suspicion.

Indeed, the most dreaded perhaps among human fear is to die alone. Yet, we don’t often realize that in the most significant moments, each of us is essentially alone. The moment of birth is an alone world. As is the moment of death. We may find ourselves alone in the most crucial circumstances of life such as when we are in pain, in need of understanding or when we are at the crossroads of decision. These are the times when we are faced only by ourselves.

I remember my grandfather had eight children and nine grandchildren at the time of his death in 1998. Yet not one of us was there with him. After being granted an American citizenship as being a WWII-USAFE veteran, he died in the U.S. only with his aged comrades. I recall also how alone my uncle Ben, who had six children and over a dozen grandchildren, died in 2007. His time came when he was living alone in our ancestral home away from his family living in the province. With these two examples, defies the premise that those who have family are guaranteed from not being alone when they die. On the other hand, not all single people will die alone such was uncle Chito.

No matter how ridiculous this premise might be, which says ‘No one will cry at the death of a single person’, I will reply with a question, ‘If you’re dead, will it still matter?’ It’s common sense!

I am not here to advocate solitary living or defy the necessity of perpetuating the race. To live alone or be single for life is afterall a personal choice. Single people of both gender, age and of all sexual orientation are no different. They have their own reasons for staying single and every single person has the right for being so. Whether out of necessity or by choice is not the issue. It is rather how one accepts and adjusts to the complexities of single life.

Uncle Chito was a single person until death. But he was not alone. He had us. We had loved him. He was not rich. He was not influential. He may not been sociable or amiable enough to have made hordes of friends. But the few people he had touched lives with are enough. Once in our life, we needed him. With his skill in electronics and some manual work he was handy. He shared with us moments of laughter as well as contradictions. Yet we learned so much from these experiences. He died single but here we are in mourning. Thus I believe that no one, single or not, leaves this world unremarkable.

In parting, I recommend you read “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom. To sum-up, I leave you now with my favorite quote from the novel “The Bridge of San Luis Rey” by Thornton Wilder which says, “and we ourselves shall be loved for awhile and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

Parting shot:

The following is a poem written by my cousin in tribute to our uncle Chito.



ONCE IN A WORLD OF PERIL
By Reynard Quetulio Sabater

Once in a world of peril, a strong man was born
Though he was slim and looked torn
He was not one to be underestimated
For he had a heart of gold and a shield of steel.

And all his screwdrivers walked and wires wrapped
Like the limbs and roots of trees that made him a shelter
To the lost souls and weak of hearts
He broke the codes and puzzles of man
The technology right within his hand.

I once looked outside the window sill
The man who stood, so tall and opinionated,
His own perspective of life he even formulated.
His works are of love and he stood for the right.
A rigid hand and a work of might.

He was ever a dear man and everybody loved him
This made him as tall as the sky above the sea.
The power of love has lived within
A man who risked life itself to care for me,
He gave his all; he will watch over us.
For once in a world of peril, a man stood strong.

CHRISTMAS ESSENTIAL

Christmas is indeed a time of revelry. It is perhaps the most festive season, at least, in the Christian world. Even countries where Christians are a minority, such as Japan and Korea, had been infected by the yuletide fervor.

Trimmings and decorations, music, food, gifts and parties are what Christmas for most of us. The sight and sounds of the season are unlike any other being celebrated during the year. It is most anticipated time of the year. It is as if the culmination of what our whole year had been. As we welcome the New Year with intense revelry, it highlights our hope that it would bring us better and brighter tomorrow; more prosperous and greater success.

While there is nothing wrong with all these merriment for indeed there is a cause for joy in the season, the fundamental message it carries are drowned and becomes supplemental instead of being the focal theme.

Foremost, Christmas is a religious festivity. It is the Christians’ marking the birth of the Christ or Savior. It is believed that He, God becomes man, comes into the world to dispel the darkness of sin and death. For the faithful, the believers, including the spiritual moderates accepts this as an article of faith. For non-Christians however it is a good and noble story which offers so much hope and inspiration for anyone who learns about it.

As a religious feast, there is a greater spiritual significance attached to it that even we as Christians often forget. Hence we missed the true value and the essence of why we celebrate. The growing secularism had put aside the traditional symbols and activities of Christmas. Although we have nothing against Santa Clause, reindeers, snowman and candy canes, they somehow compete with our attention when we are supposed to focus on the humble scene of the manger.

Gift-giving is a good tradition during the Christmas season. Yet nowadays, this tradition had been overrated brought about by the excesses of modern lifestyle. Because of too much commercialism instigated by greed, we are caught to fill-in the demand to buy so you may give. Marred by the compulsion to buy, give as social obligation or pressured by peers and associates, the act of giving becomes trivial. It is most unfortunate that the value of charity had been lost in this tradition.

While parties and family gathering are essential part of the holiday feasting. But parties with too much intoxication, food binges, loud music and dancing has too little to do with what Christmas is all about. As for family reunions somehow creates a more sober and more appropriate setting for the season, we will get most out of this experience if we gather together and contemplate the beauty of the Christmas message.

Before you say I am Mr. Scrooge, I clarify that I am not against parties, gift-giving or am I prejudice towards those who are keeping certain traditions I mentioned here. While we can engage in any of these, let us make it more meaningful and relevant to the theme of the occasion. In the midst of the bustle and hustle, and the stress during this season we remember the most essential: We rejoice because a Savior has been born to us. We give gift in the spirit of charity. And we gather together as family and friends because we celebrate God’s love and the blessings we received throughout the year.

Let us keep the essential Christmas traditions like having the time for reflection and prayer. Celebrating in church (any denomination will do) is highly commendable. Whether you believe the Christmas story by faith or has been moved by it as a lore, let us keep the Christmas message alive and in the forefront of our celebration.

Have a joyous and blessed Christmas to all!

SOMEDAY MAY NOT COME

“There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment”. – Yamamoto Tsunetomo

You’ve often told yourself,

“Someday, I’ll stop making excuses and begin making things happen. Yet, I’m still too young to get into anything serious now”.

”Someday, I’ll take total responsibility and stop blaming others when things go wrong. But because of my irresponsible parents, unappreciative friends and dishonest associates I am in such a predicament”.

“Someday, I’ll start doing my very best in any endeavor and make use of my full potentials. Presently however I’m too uninspired to exert so much so I’ll just wait for that spark to motivate me”.

“Someday, I'll finally come to terms with the value of time and I won’t waste any more moment on unproductive activities. But for now, I’m too busy having fun. These worthwhile things can wait, anyway”.

”Someday, I’ll manage to have a more positive attitude and see things through a brighter perspective. If only now, things start getting better.

“Someday, I’ll be more caring, patient and be more forgiving. If only people around me will be more considerate to me”.

But have you asked yourself,

“When will I commit to these?”

Reminder: If today you won’t, that someday may not come.

THE JOY OF WRITING by Wislawa Szymborska

Why does this written doe bound through these written woods?
For a drink of written water from a spring
whose surface will Xerox her soft muzzle?
Why does she lifts her head; does she hear something?
Perched on four slim legs borrowed from the truth,
she picks up her ears beneath my fingertips.
Silence – this world also rustles across the page
and parts the boughs
that have sprouted from the word “woods.”

Lying in wait, set to pounce on the blank page,
are letters up to no good,
clutches of clauses so subordinate
they’ll never let her get away.

Each drop of ink contains a fair supply
of hunters, equipped with squinting eyes behind their sights,
prepared to swarm the sloping pen at any moment,
surround the doe, and slowly aim their guns.

They forget that what’s here isn’t life.
Other laws, black on white, obtain.
The twinkling of an eye will take as long as I say,
and will, if I wish, divide into tiny eternities,
full of bullets stopped in mid-flight.
Not a thing will ever happen unless I say so.
Without my blessing, not a leaf will fall,
not a blade of grass will bend beneath that little hoof’s full stop.

Is there then a world
where I rule absolutely on fate?
A time I bind with chains of signs?
An existence becomes endless at my bidding?

The joy of writing.
The power of preserving.
Revenge of a mortal hand.

- From “No End of Fun”, 1967
Translated by S. Baranczak & C. Cavanagh

GOOD MOURNING

The remains of my uncle and ninong (godfather in bapstism) were interred early yesterday. Percival Cesar Dela Cruz, Ll. B. passed-away due to complications of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) last Tuesday, the 21st of September 2010. He was 63 years old.

My memories of childhood will never be complete without those with papa Cesar, as he was fondly called. I always anticipate his family’s regular visits to our grandparents’ home where I lived as an occasion to play with my cousins. Likewise, we look forward to the family reunions during the holidays. As his inaanak (godson in baptism) I received gifts from him on occasions. I remember the times when I was treated for a ride in his old Buick car with my cousins. And that unforgettable visit we made in their ancestral home in the town of Victoria in the province of Tarlac. He was somebody who was constantly being in one with those in grief. His willingness to lend his comforting presence shall be missed by whose lives he touched.

Papa Cesar will never be forgotten. He lives on though the people he left behind; his wife, Rosalina Quetulio Dela Cruz; his children, Mae Juliet Quetulio Dela Cruz, M.D., Jae Judith Q. Dela Cruz-Mallonga and Robert Mallonga, Eng. Fe Jocelyn Q. Dela Cruz-Francisco and Joselito Francisco; his grandchildren, Nicolas and Jarome.

The death of uncle Cesar came in a time when we are still mourning the passing of another uncle eight months ago. Atty. Ledovino L. Donadillo bravely, as the soldier that he was, battled lung cancer until he succumbed on the 23rd of January 2010. He was 78 years old.

Uncle Ledo was the proverbial “self-made man”. His life story was about personal struggles, triumph and service. It was an inspiring life worth telling about. His hard experiences had honed him to be a man capable of sharing common humanity. His career as a lawyer was one of public service. His legal acumen he earned beyond the ethical and technical demands of the profession but by the wisdom he constantly sought from his faith in the divine. Yes, his being spiritual was what gave heart to his law practice.

The most endearing quality uncle Ledo possessed was his ability to feel for others. While he was cantankerous and oftentimes had hard words to say, you would have to know him to be understanding, generous and tender-hearted as he could be.

I will never forget that during my lowest moment, when my own father died in 1998, he welcomed me in their home and stayed there to start picking-up the broken pieces of myself. It was a turbulent and painful time. When I was censured for not attending my father’s burial because of too much grief, he was one to have understood and came to my defense. As I write this, I have a vivid image of him in my mind, his expression was one of great sympathy, when he said, “Didn’t they realize that there is such a thing as private grief?” Such can only come from somebody who was profound and truly knew the human heart.

Uncle Ledo will always be remembered. He was survived by his wife, Aurora Quetulio Donadillo; his children, Atty. Patricia Q. Donadillo-Famaran and Alfonso Famaran, M.D., and Grace Quetulio Donadillo.

These two deaths within the year make us reflect how important family ties can be. I see a good side to mourning, now. It isn’t all that bad, really. It gives us the opportunity to rekindle the flames of our relations neglected by our hurried lives. We were brought together despite the distances or estrangement. Amidst the sorrow we bear in loosing those dear to us is the strength we have in solidarity with one another.

Beyond the experience of mourning there is hope. And after this sad episode, joy awaits. We can look forward and move on with much courage. Like a book, the life of our dearly departed ends while we, the bereaved, only closes a chapter then turn a page for a new one to begin. It is likely that in this new chapter there shall be a greater awareness of our own mortality. Not to be fearsome rather reinforce in us that life is too valuable to waste; that we alter each other’s life forever. The lifetime shared with us through the years by those who have gone ahead of us makes the people we are today. By contemplating their life, we learn life’s lessons without having us to experience them ourselves. Or if we do, prepare us in dealing with them.

To mourn is to feel desolate and alone. Yet, if we be able to see mourning in a different perspective, we will better understand why we feel such an emotion as a response to the death of a beloved. In the process, we can appreciate better the life we had with those who have gone before us and those who remain with us in this earthly pilgrimage. And in these, mourning can be a good thing.

Uncle Ledo and uncle Cesar will be missed, now that they will no longer be here to share moments with. Without them our family gatherings will never be the same again. Yet, they’ll live on in our memories. We can always look back at all the cherished times we had with them. These shall be the impetus to bring our families closer together and move on to make more lasting memories that shall out-live each of us when our own lifetime has finally come to an end.

TRAVERSE OF AGE

for Reynard Quetulio Sabater and Daniel Quetulio



Raging tide of youthful delights
Cautions to the wind
Blown with uncertainty
Debauched by carefree spirit

The velocity of time
Passes hurriedly
The path unwinding
As far as it goes

O Come, young souls!
Sons and daughters of dreams
Listen to the voice
Of wise and aged thoughts.

DECEPTION

I long to seduce you with a wink of an eye
Tease you by my fingers touching your arms
I’ll play the dating game with you
With curious delight explore the senses
Excite the evening exclusive to us
With a hush voice my whisper tells…
Reiterating each word,
“There’s no one but you…”
Tonight, you give in.
Alas! You fell into my trap.

HEAL THE PAST

Like a masterpiece,
Life begins from nothing.
Time progresses, it takes shape
finds it’s purpose and meaning.

A poem is conceived
in the fertility of the soul.
Weaving the fibers of thought
by the loom of memories

Seemingly muddled now
the path to the horizon,
veiled by a dark mane
of emptiness.

Then within sight,
the glimmer of light,
vision of today and tomorrow—
impending storm approaching
foreboding without end.

In the cyclic rhythm of fortune
hear the echoes of the past:
the rustle of an old dress,
Giggle of a newborn,
Bells toll in mourning.

Look up the sky
hovering the earth.
Go forth and come with us.
You bring the balm that soothes
the wounded aching in pain.

LITERATURE FOR THE LIVING

The write is an ordinary man, not a spokesman for the people, and that literature can only be the voice of one individual. Writing that becomes an ode to a country, the standard of a nation, the voice of a party, loses its nature – it is no longer literature. Writers do not set out to be published, but to know themselves. Although Kafka or Pessoa resorted to language, it was not in order to change the world.

I, myself, believe in what I call cold literature: a literature that is not utilitarian, but a spiritual self-preservation in order to avoid being stifled by society. I believe in a literature of the moment, for the living. You have to know how to use freedom. If you use it in exchange for something else, it vanishes.

- Gao Xinjian, 2000 Nobel Prize Laureate for Literature
(as quoted in an interview published in Label France issue of April 2000)

MISTAKE IN THE DAYS OF DEATH AND BEAUTY

Death and beauty dominated the headlines from last weekend to early this week. Saturday, August 21st, was when beauty titlist Melody Gersbach (the Philippines’ 2009 representative to the Miss International Pageant) and two companions were killed in a vehicular accident. Two days later, August 23rd, a derange ex-police personnel hijacked a tourist bus that ended with eight hostages, mostly Hong Kong nationals, dead and a few others severely injured. The day after, August 24th, Filipina candidate Maria Venus Raj placed 4th in the prestigious Miss Universe Pageant held in Las Vegas. As a spectator to these overwhelming events happening just days in succession, I tried to find something to make sense of the tragic reconciled with the triumphant. And I realized that “mistake” is the link to these series of events.

If only that bus driver didn’t took the risk of over-taking another vehicle that swerved him to hit Melody’s car in the other lane, this accident wouldn’t have happened. The driver himself, of course, didn’t want that to happen. But it was a mistake that he has to pay for. Melody was a beautiful and intelligent lady. She was young and full of promise. It was unfair that she has to die because of someone else’s reckless mistake.

As the hostage drama unfolded in Manila, the hostage-taker Rolando Mendoza pasted these words on the entrance of the bus: “A big mistake to correct a big wrong decision.” He perhaps wrote this in lucid state; words which expressed regret for his vehemence as a means to coerce the law to favor his demands. With these words, I sensed earlier that it was possible that this incident would have ended peacefully and without bloodshed. It would have turned-out that way later if mistakes were avoided as authorities dealt with this delicate situation. I wouldn’t waste my words to detail the shortcomings and mistakes of the authorities, law enforcers, the media, the relatives of the hostage-taker and all those people who didn’t have the business of being there. But all are accountable for the failure to bring this crisis to a just and sensible end.

On the lighter side, the triumph of Maria Venus Raj can not be a mistake. She was stunning and confident. No doubt she gave it her best shot in the competition. Some say however she would have bagged the Miss Universe title if she had answered correctly in the question and answer portion of the pageant. That is, if it really be considered as a mistake? Her question, “What is your biggest mistake and what did you do to make-up for it?” is too tricky because to say whatever mistake she committed might be damaging to her reputation. She opted to deny she ever committed a mistake (which is impossible!) in her 22 years of life as a way to evade this question which is too personal. No one can make a mistake answering such questions. There is no right or wrong answer here. Answers to this can only be sensible or credible. Mistake has a shameful quality to it. It can be embarrassing to admit to oneself, what more publicly.

Most mistakes results from uneducated decisions and actions done in haste. The hostage crisis would have turned-out differently if only the authorities were more tactically trained and have more persevering in dealing with the situation. Likewise, the bus driver who in recklessness killed Melody would have avoided the accident if he was prudent enough to stay on his lane and bear with the slower pace.

Mistake can be big or small depending on how it affects lives. The aftermath of the hostage crisis had resulted to the animosity of Hong Kong Chinese towards Filipinos and may create a wider diplomatic gap between the Philippines to the Chinese government in Beijing. Thus, the collateral damage caused by the mistake in handling this incident goes beyond the eight Hong Kong tourists who were killed. But it includes the more than one hundred thousand Filipino migrant workers, mostly domestic helpers, who were suffering directly the ire of some Hong Kong people. Moreover, it damaged the image of our country in the international community which will affect our tourism and foreign investor confidence. At this point I could say, nothing can be bigger a mistake than this that affects our lives and reputation as a nation.

Mistake is part of our less than perfect world. We are bound to make mistakes as we go through life. Yet, we can not be passive to let it happen especially when life and reputation are at stake. We can not afford to deliberately make mistakes. But if it caught us unaware, may we be willing to take responsibility for it and shun the blaming game. Otherwise, we are making further mistakes while we should be amending. According to an old adage, “We can not make right a mistake by making another mistake.”

With each mistake we bear the pain and shame of its consequences. We oftentimes pay greatly for it. Yet, we have to find the courage to rise above it. Despite the mistakes we commit as individuals or collectively, we can strive to be better. We can forgive ourselves and others without forgetting the valuable lessons we learn from every mistake. And move on.

THE WORLD NEEDS MEN…

Who cannot be bought;
Whose word is their bond;
Who put character above wealth;
Who possess opinions and a will;
Who are larger than their vocation;
Who do not hesitate to take chances;
Who will not loose their individuality in a crowd;
Who will be as honest in small things as in great things;
Who will not compromise with wrong;
Whose ambitions are not confined to their own selfish desires;
Who will not say they do it “because everybody else do it.”
Who are true to their friends through good report and evil report in adversity as well as in prosperity;
Who do not believe that shrewdness, cunning and hardheadedness are the best qualities for winning success;
Who are not ashamed or afraid to stand for the truth when it is unpopular;
Who can say “No” with emphasis, although all the rest of the world says “Yes”.

- Leonard Wagner

Are you man enough to volunteer? - DJ Flame

PASSAGES

The dance of youth is in the air.
The sun rises in the morn.
As time swift by a lingering pace,
Guiding the feeble soul.

Love is born of the heart.
From an infant’s first cry,
Faith ushers in an open door.
And of life’s greatest gift.

Amidst life’s noisy confusion,
Break the fetters of discontent.
Unbridled yearning seeking;
In hope there is bliss.

Abide by the teaching of the ages.
Grow wise and make sense.
Find the meaning in this journey.
Then live beyond the final bow.

FACING MORTALITY

“If it were possible to talk to the unborn, one could never explain to them how it feels to be alive, for life is washed in the speechless real.”

– Jacques Barzun, 'The House of Intellect'

ARE YOU TOLERANT?

Do you recognize the merits
of other people around you?

Do you respect their opinions
though you think they are unsound?

Can you overlook an offense
that’s unintentionally done?

And try to mind your business
yet be helpful to everyone?

Can you accept criticisms
good-naturedly and well?

Can you argue agreeably
yet say what’s there to tell?

Do you practice the golden rule
on your rounds everyday?

Then you practice tolerance
in your own simple way.

- adapted –

We deal with people everyday. From the people we live with such as our family, our friends and colleagues at work, our neighbors to the strangers we encounter as we go about daily living. It is inescapable unless you decide to live as a hermit away from the maddening crowed. But in this time and age it is hardly a feasible life style fit for survival.

From childhood we learned the simple rules of getting along with others. As we get along, we acquire the necessary social skills to be at ease with people at every level of interpersonal relationship.

Tolerance is fundamental in any interpersonal relationship. It is perhaps the most essential element to make any relationship work. Without it, individuals shall be in constant strife with one another and collectively can bring about hatred and war between peoples of different demographic backgrounds.

Tolerance is a matter of attitude. It is not enough we know how important it is or how it is done. Ultimately, we have to practice it to be effective on our relationship with others.

To be tolerant is to be giving. The kinder among us are perhaps more tolerant than others. The kinder the person the more tolerant because these people are friendlier and can get along with others better.

Being appreciative, forgiving, respectful and patient are characteristics of a tolerant person. While we think that we have to work hard for these to be followed, they are actually easy and comes naturally to anyone. The simple gestures such as listening patiently to somebody wearisome, getting-out of your way to help despite the inconvenience, staying-out of the gossip circle or ignoring the petty annoyances of others are actual practices of tolerance that we oftentimes don’t realize.

Yes, it is essential that we each be tolerant towards one another. None of us is perfect. As individuals, we each have to bear with one another’s set of faults and vulnerabilities. If you wanted others to be tolerant towards you, then be tolerant yourself. The golden rule as stated by Confucius, “Do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.” and Jesus Christ said, “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.” Both version of this saying reflects the essential value of mutuality that fosters better interpersonal relationship and greater harmony among peoples of variation.

If you mange well being more tolerant, you will soon discover that amidst the harsh reality of life lurks a kinder realm that brings peace and joy to our world of strife and contradiction.

IDEALISM OF WORK

On Work
By Kahlil Gibran

You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth.
For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons,
and to step out of life's procession, that marches in majesty and proud submission towards the infinite.

When you work you are a flute through whose heart the whispering of the hours turns to music.
Which of you would be a reed, dumb and silent, when all else sings together in unison?

Always you have been told that work is a curse and labour a misfortune.
But I say to you that when you work you fulfil a part of earth's furthest dream, assigned to you when that dream was born,
And in keeping yourself with labour you are in truth loving life,
And to love life through labour is to be intimate with life's inmost secret.

But if you in your pain call birth an affliction and the support of the flesh a curse written upon your brow, then I answer that naught but the sweat of your brow shall wash away that which is written.

You have been told also that life is darkness, and in your weariness you echo what was said by the weary.
And I say that life is indeed darkness save when there is urge,
And all urge is blind save when there is knowledge,
And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,
And all work is empty save when there is love;
And when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another, and to God.

And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart,
even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.
It is to build a house with affection,
even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house.
It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy,
even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit.
It is to charge all things you fashion with a breath of your own spirit,
And to know that all the blessed dead
are standing about you and watching.

Often have I heard you say, as if speaking in sleep, "He who works in marble, and finds the shape of his own soul in the stone, is nobler than he who ploughs the soil.
And he who seizes the rainbow to lay it on a cloth in the likeness of man, is more than he who makes the sandals for our feet."
But I say, not in sleep but in the overwakefulness of noontide, that the wind speaks not more sweetly to the giant oaks than to the least of all the blades of grass;
And he alone is great who turns the voice of the wind into a song made sweeter by his own loving.

Work is love made visible.
And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.
For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger.

And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distils a poison in the wine.
And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man's ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the night.

THE NETHERLANDS VS SPAIN: A BATTLE FOR THE PHILIPPINES

The Dutch and the Spaniards battle it out for soccer supremacy in the 2010 FIFA World Cup today. Although the Philippines is not a participant, since soccer is not a popular sport here, some Filipino sports enthusiast won’t pass on the chance to take a piece of the action or at least the hype as the world watches the battle from Johannesberg, South Africa.

The Dutch and the Spaniards had fought each other in some other time and circumstances in history. The rivalry was beyond sports or anything to do with ‘friendly competition’. In fact it was a bitter battle for conquest and dominion. It was a war story that could gave changed the course of history in Southeast Asia. And it happened here in the Philippines.

In 1646, when the Philippines was still under the colonial rule of Spain, fifteen Dutch armed-strong fleet battled against two Spanish galleons in five naval encounters, known in history as the “Battles of La Naval.”

The attacks couldn’t have happened in more strategic timing when Manila was devastated by an earthquake in November the previous year. Moreover, it was part of the Spanish-Dutch War (1568-1648) which reached even the colonies in Southeast Asia. While the Philippines was then under Catholic Spain, Formosa (now Taiwan) and Indonesia were under the Dutch Protestants. In fact, preparations for the invasion were done in Indonesia.

The age of glory and faith went in hand with the perils of rivalry and envy. In the wide world, Catholic Spain had rivals and foes to contest her power; even destroy her mission to evangelize and civilize her land discoveries. Such were the Dutch and English privateers who were not only after the richness of the Philippine archipelago but also eager to supplant Catholicism with Dutch Protestant Calvinism. It was the age of galleon trade under the emblem of the cross and of Spain versus the age of the heretics with the banner of the skull and bones.

One such marauder, followers of Drake and Cavendish, sailed into Philippines waters and on March 15, 1646, a Dutch frigate fleet of five threatened Manila. Two Spanish galleons, veterans of the Acapulco trade, were hastily readied and sent out to defend the city.

The enemy was sighted off the coast of Bolinao, Pangasinan and was engaged in battle from three to seven in the evening. The two galleons, the Almiranta and Capitana (later named Nuestra Señora del Rosario), valiantly fought with four Dutch fleet. It was two Spanish galleons against four of the Dutch. After a fierce artillery fight, the enemy fled with lights in their ship decks put off to avoid pursuit. The Almiranta was damaged but with only two casualties.

On July 29, the second battle was fought between Baton Island and Marinduque. The two bulky galleons in their patrols met seven enemy frigates, well-armed with superior artillery, manned by some 800 men. It was two galleons of the Spaniards versus seven of the Dutch. The chronicles of these events relate that the “battle was one of the fiercest and bloodiest lasting from seven in the evening till four at dawn—at which time, seeing how grievously maltreated their ships were and one on fire, they did retreat and seek shelter, and would not give battle though we called them to it.”

Two days later, the enemy reappeared with six well-armed frigates between Mindoro and the island of Maestro de Campo. It was two of the Spaniards against six of the Dutch. The bloody encounter lasted from high noon to the Angelus (six in the evening) of July 31, 1646.

When the smoke of battle cleared up, they saw the Dutch fleet beating a hasty retreat abandoning one crippled ship and losing one. No casualty was reported in the two Spanish galleons.

Hardly had the two galleons been repaired and refurbished when news came that a fresh Dutch fleet was nearing Mariveles. The galleons once again set to grapple with the superior enemy force. For ten hours on September 24, 1646, this fourth battle was bitterly fought between Ambil and Lubang islands near the coast of Batangas. And “seeing themselves hard pressed, the enemy escaped and took flight as our ships pursued and give fire still, though one, our Capitana, had been hit in the side and was feared for and yet it did not sink.” Seven men on the defenders’ side gave their lives for the victory.

On October 3, while one of the galleons was on patrol off Mariveles and the Almiranta undergoing repairs in nearby Cavite, three of the Dutch frigates returned to the scene of their last defeat and engaged the lone galleon. It was one Spanish galleon versus three of the Dutch.

The written testimonies say that the enemy “surrounded and fiercely set on her and fired on so close that there was long a danger of their boarding the ship. But our men, calling on God and our blessed lady, rose to the contest in such a way that they inflicted a woeful destruction among the enemy, and totally destroyed one ship and scattered the others which fleeting were met and severely punished by the ship “Galera” sent to our aid.”

There were only four casualties, Filipinos among them, in that fifth and final naval battle. Only fifteen men, in fact, had been lost by the defenders in all five encounters.

As Filipinos we wonder: What impact did La Naval have in Philippine history?

Let the late National Artist for Literature, Nick Joaquin, answer these in his book Manila, My Manila:

“Imagine the Philippines as part of Indonesia! That seems incredible today— but it’s a might-has-been of our history. There was a time in the 17th century when our fate hung in the balance. Had events gone the other way, there might have been no Philippines at all.”

After these historic battles, the Dutch indeed no longer threatened the sovereignty of these islands by annexing it to the Dutch East Indies comprising then the Malayan archipelago. And never again was Catholicism threatened by Calvin’s Protestant followers in this part of the world.

With this answer I am sure you will feel a sense of national pride and profound gratitude to God for keeping us sovereign and free.

And yes, the Spaniards was victorious versus the Dutch claiming its first World Cup title shortly before this was posted.

VIVA ESPAÑA!
(simultaneously posted on http://dan-flame.blogspot.com)

WORDLY WISE: SOME ADVICE GETS BETTER WITH THE YEARS

1. Keep matters in suspense.

2. Know your best quality.

3. Never exaggerate.

4. Adapt to those around you.

5. Associate with those you can learn from.

6. Don’t be tiresome.

7. Plan for bad fortune while your fortune is good.

8. Don’t talk about yourself.

9. The wise do sooner what fools do later.

10. Never complain.

11. Do but also seem.

12. Don’t be made of glass.

13. Don’t live in a hurry.

14. Follow through on your victories.

15. Quit while you are ahead.


- by Balthasar Graciản (1601-1658)

ANYWAY

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten to tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by
the smallest people with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for some underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

- by Dr. Kent M. Keith

We each live life any way we can. Yet any way is ranged between living life in mediocrity and greatness. Within this vast expanse are the options we choose from how we shall live life. Hence, measures the degree by which determines the quality of our life.

The demands of daily living can oftentimes obscure the importance of choosing by quality. Life in modernity is too fast that many things about our humanity are taken for granted. There is a constant sense of urgency in addressing the basic requirements of living that compromises the quality of choices we make to give life the best. But what is best?

We often associate best with ‘how much’ or ‘how much more’. Our culture is to accumulate; to get more the better. As we always say, “the more the merrier.” Thus we work to get rich. We work harder to get richer still. And to expect that some day, “we live happily ever after”. Only to find at the end we have actually lost those most precious in life.

Working hard to get the life we wanted, as in get rich and successful, is very commendable. Afterall, it is what makes our world go round. Yes, even merrier! And it is not immoral to aspire for wealth. It is when we exclusively aspire for these at the expense of the most essential values in life such as loving, caring for others, making friends, being honest, fighting for what is right are what contradicts getting the most out of life. And missing out on what makes living sublime and meaningful can lead to a life of triviality and void.

Poverty, war and hatred are human tragedies that plague most of human society today. Yet these are not the greatest among tragedies that may harm anyone. These are but symptoms of an underlying cause— indifference.

Despite our age of awareness, advancement in education and intellectual pursuits we often choose to be indifferent to the valuable principles we have learned. We may have learned these academically yet we don’t have the courage to take up the challenge to actually live them. To ponder on these in written words, through the voice of the sages and as an inspiration is one thing, and to have them practice in reality is another. It could be quite a challenge to actually live these in a world filled with contradictions. And it is easier to be indifferent, to be uninvolved and detached as a means of self-preservation. We wouldn’t risk of anything of ourselves to stake for something altruistic and with a purpose beyond our personal interest.

Alas, the tragic story of people unprincipled, greedy and selfish! Their indifference had resulted to miserable lives characterized by tarnished reputation, lost of integrity, broken relationships and loneliness. At some point in each of our lives, we see ourselves partly in these situations. Perhaps not to a point of desperation and hopelessness, but no one is exempted from this plague. We however can always hope that the spirit within us will rise above this indifference.

Any way we live there is something inherent in us which longs for the sublime and the meaningful. There’ll be always a profound yearning in the human spirit to strive for what is good, assert what is right and fair, seek the truth and live life to the best we can. We may not often readily recognize the goodness in ourselves. Or perhaps we underestimate the capacity of the spirit within us to live the noble ideals that govern living life to the fullest and for us to be always at our best.

Sooner or later we shall realize the need to yield to these noble ideals. We can no longer be indifferent. Some may yield to it sooner then have the chance to live more meaningful lives. Yet to others later when perhaps it is too late. No matter how difficult the process, it would be more than worth the effort to finally discover that true happiness lies in living our life beyond ourselves. And that giving and sharing is the ultimate purpose of our existence.

Any way we live life is up to each of us. Despite the challenges we face, amidst the drudgery and the seeming triviality of our existence, “we give it our best shot— anyway”.

A YEAR IN A BLOG

“A teacher teach, a chef cook, a nurse takes care of the sick and a writer writes.” Each has to do what one has to do. Each has the right to aspire and pursue what one wanted to be. These are the motivations that gave birth to this blog a year ago, today.

I’ve always wanted to express myself with words. My propensity to communicate ideas is my way of trying to make sense of everything. I discovered that confronting life’s issues are better by the use of words. It almost makes tangible the yearnings of the soul. And by speaking one’s own mind paves the way to better understand oneself. Also writing can be therapeutic. It can be a liberating experience once you were able to express the profound thoughts and make sense out of the incomprehensible. Because of these, I wanted to be a writer more than anything else.

It took me a long time before I got into actual writing since my education (I was into science and medicine) veered away from my true passion. Yes, I have been writing privately and not on a regular basis. But thanks to blogging, aspiring writers or those simply wanted to be heard, has now an avenue for free expression. Despite my limitations, I had enough courage to get into actual writing. I still have a long-way to go in my quest to be fulfilled as a writer. Yet having started this blog last year was a giant step ahead to where I wanted to be.

A year’s journey through this blog was tedious since I had to attend to more urgent matters such as making a living. I had to cramp in so little time left for me to hone this craft. I could have posted more, if only I had more time allowed me to engage in this endeavor. So far, I never experience what they call writer’s bloc. It is perhaps still too early for me to suffer that. There seems to be so much for me to write about. But time is of the essence.

Another major struggle for me is the technical aspect of writing. Being bilingual (English and Tagalog) and lacks the formal training in writing, I have to watch closely my grammar and spelling. I admit being a poor speller but thanks to MS Word application’s auto-spelling verification as a remedy for this difficulty. But the reliability stops there. I wouldn’t trust the auto-grammar verification, which oftentimes in my experience more detrimental than helpful to my writing.

Moreover, being an amateur, I struggle through the unwritten rules of propriety when it comes to ‘what has to be said and what is not’ and ‘how to say them’ without inciting disapproval. But this issue brings me to the most crucial challenge I have to face to be a consummate writer— that is to overcome my fear of judgment. A writer has to be confident to stand on what he writes about. He has to be ready to face dissenting opinions and views that are contrary to his position. He has to be willing to explore the possibilities beyond what is acceptable and popular without being too radical as to go against the grains of morality. Likewise, he has to be always honest and transparent in what he writes. He must be ever willing to accept correction from readers and admit to any misinformation. Afterall, he owes the truth to his readers.

After a year, I still have a lot of hesitations regarding my writing primarily because I am still afraid to be judged or rejected. A sense of inadequacy still plagues me everytime I publish a post. And yes, I still feel ashamed when I promote this blog as if I was desperate for readership. I feel I was trying too hard to get people to read me despite their disinterest. While these may be partly true, I believe that there were those who had read my posts do think I have the potential. A few of them actually told me so, like my high school batch-mates: Charlton Cauton, Jonji Martinez, Julius Ceasar Sotto and the rest of the Baste H.S. Class ‘86 whom I connected to in Facebook. To them thank you very, very much. Their appreciation means so much to me. I can not thank enough those who let me post their personal photos to grace the pages of this blog: Rowena Chua, Primo Betanio, Mel Nuguid, Sonny Pablo, Sherwin Moreno, Eric Ernest A. Ligon, M.D., Jonjon Logarta and Dr. Earl Galupo. My thanks to my dear friend: Rolyn D. Viaje, M.D. for her unfailing moral support. Special gratitude goes to my followers: Maricar S. Santos, M.D., my bestfriend and constant inspiration; and Nemet Reyes, my Kumpare (buddy) both I coerced into registering. Hehe! To Itch, Peejay, Toshi and Maylene who themselves may had registered here by accident, thank you! And to those who remain anonymous but had visited here, I am honored by your presence.

Ultimately, I have to believe in myself. There is nothing like nurturing one’s own inner strength. And just like the mythical Firebird (a.k.a. Phoenix), to whom this blog was titled after, “it burns itself and rose back from the ashes.” In this same spirit should I be inspired to keep on. I could only learn from the experiences of the past year. I have to strive to be better, be resilient through every challenge and resolute in my decisions.

The flight of the Firebird is seemingly solitary at the moment and the light of the Divine Flame (title of my other blog at http://dan-flame.blogspot.com) is quiet dim for now. Yet if I am willing to learn better, work harder and to journey longer through this endeavor, maybe soon flocks shall accompany the Firebird as it soars into the horizon and the Divine Flame shall carry the torch of enlightenment to others— these are if I will be able to give every reader good, sound and honest writings worthy of their time and effort.

Happy 1st Anniversary, Firebird! http://danflame.blogspot.com/
And God abide with the Divine Flame! http://dan-flame.blogspot.com/

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF HUMAN RELATIONS

1. Speak to people.
- There is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greetings.

2. Smile at people.
- It takes 65 muscles to frown; only 15 to smile.

3. Call people by name.
- The sweetest music to anyone’s ears is the sound of his name.

4. Be friendly and helpful.
- If you would, have friends. Be friendly.

5. Be cordial.
- Speak and act as if everything you do were a genuine pleasure.

6. Be genuinely interested in people.
- You can like everybody if you try.

7. Be generous with praise,
- Cautious with criticism.

8. Be considerate with the feelings of others.
- It will be appreciated.

9. Be thoughtful of the opinions of others.
- There are 3 sides to a controversy: yours, the other fellow’s,
and the right one.

10. Be alert to give service.
- What counts most in life is what we do for others.

- Adapted -

FATHERHOOD IS RESPONSIBILITY

Fatherhood, admit it or not, has not been regarded as much as motherhood. Unlike fatherhood, the maternal role is the more nurturing side of parenthood that has a greater impact in the emotional growth of an individual. Yet a certain level of emotional expediency can be derived from fatherhood, it is not as intense compared to that received from the mother. While motherhood appeals more to the sublime nature, fatherhood is to the temporal and practical aspects of the bonds that form between parents and offspring. These are not to set aside or undermine the role of fathers. These are but how it is in the natural order of things. Undoubtedly, offspring will benefit more fully if they have both parents than just have one of the other. Ideally that is.

Fatherhood, by parental definition, is gender specific. However, the actual role and responsibility are beyond gender. We also have to consider the variation in culture, social class, norms and laws in delineating the role and responsibility of fathers in every society.

Perception of fatherhood is relative to one’s personal experience. One’s own relationship with the father (or the lack of it) becomes the basis for defining fatherhood for daughters scouting for potential mates or the standard any son has to live up to when he becomes a father himself. Good or bad perception will greatly depend on how each father has affected his children. The common basis for good fathering is the ability to secure his family. Security means his ability to protect and provide for them. This is the socially accepted norm or the tradition in many cultures. However, the shift to a more modern lifestyle has altered the way we do parenting. The family dynamics has evolved so greatly through the generations that we perceive fatherhood differently now than we conventionally do.

Despite the changes in the family dynamics, certain things remain and withstand the test of time, an essential word in defining fatherhood— responsibility. Yet both parents each have their responsibilities, the word becomes almost synonymous with the father since he, as already stated, provides for the family.

Reversal of gender roles is common nowadays. The greater empowerment of women paved the way for more of them having established careers as those of the men. Some of them actually achieve (and earn) more than the men. Other women meanwhile are forced to work due to economic necessity. They work to augment the family income with their spouses. But the worst is when they solely earn because they are single parent or with inept husband. In these circumstances, fatherhood is being re-defined. While it is hard enough for the male ego to admit the full equality or total subservience to their wives, they would rather accept the circumstances for the good of their family. Thus the term “house husband” has been coined to describe the male spouse who opted (or forced by necessity) to keep the home. In this case, the father has to fulfill the maternal duties to his children. Although not very commendable due to the cultural bias a father may experience as a consequence, I would say it isn’t so bad as long as he is doing his share in the family. And as long as he is brave enough to withstand the banter, frowns and criticism from others, he will have to do what he has to do. Otherwise, it is worst if he won’t do anything and be labeled irresponsible.

Single dads, on the other hand, are less prominent than single moms because of their comparative population. But I guess it is more challenging for the men to be single parent than women. Since men are less adept in emotional matters, this may take its toll on the productivity of the father and affect his ability to provide. Whether they are unmarried, widowed, divorced or separated, single-dads are unique symbols of masculinity. They are the new breed of fathers who with all the hardships and challenges are courageous enough to take on the responsibility.

Marital and non-marital status (e.g. “living in”), divorce, separation, neglect or abandonment is crucial in determining the success or failure of fatherhood. The social, ethical and legal circumstances determine how fatherhood shall be carried-out. Fathers in marital bliss are less likely to fail in their responsibility. Since marriage is a contractual commitment, legal and binding, a father is guaranteed civil liability if ever he does not comply with his responsibilities.

Divorce and separation can be traumatic more so on the children. In this case, fatherhood will have to adapt to a new set of circumstances. Depending whose spouse shall have the kids (which is often to the moms), it is expected that the father shall continue to shoulder the burden of providing for the kids. Yet the family set-up has been shaken, the father’s responsibility is unchanged.

Among non-marital couples, fathers go by a different set of rules. Although he may not have full legal right (depends on the country) as a father, his responsibilities however to his children are no less than their married counterparts. This is to guarantee that each child will have the right to get support from their father. But the law can only protect them for so long. Non-marital relations are very volatile. There is no legal bind that shall protect either party, to the detriment of the children. Abandonment and neglect of responsibility, mostly (but not exclusively) by the father, commonly results to these tragic circumstances.

Fatherhood is not strictly biological. Adoption is common options to childless couples and those single people qualified enough to become parents themselves. Orphanages and child welfare institutions have set stringent criteria in determining the standards for anyone to be given the right to adopt. Taken every necessary requirement in consideration, the capacity to earn and provide for the child tops the list of the requirements. While there are greater responsibility that any parent shall have to fulfill vital in child rearing, the parental responsibility of a father demands more in giving the child the best, according to his capability to provide shelter, food, healthcare and education.

Fatherhood is indeed a responsibility. To be a father, one has to be willing to take the burden of responsibility for lives other than oneself. Yet we talk of responsibility in terms of the father’s earning capacity and income, I discount not the other aspect of fatherhood which is less involved in the practical side of rearing their children such as character formation, life-values orientation, emotional support and spiritual growth. Besides, a father who is dedicated to just “bringing the bacon”, so to speak, but does not spend time with his children or does not participate in their upbringing can be potentially harmful and can result to dysfunctionality in the family. But still, I would have to say that providing for the family is foremost among the father’s responsibility. The best father however will do so not only as an obligatory act but as a loving response to the meaningful experience he gets in fulfilling his role.

Happy Father’s Day!

STORY TELLER'S CREED

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.

That myth is more potent than history.

That dreams are more powerful than facts.

That hope always triumphs over experience.

That laughter is the only cure for grief.

And I believe that love is stronger than death.

ROMANCING THE LIGHTHOUSE

(Written in the summer of 2003)

I was enamored to this place when I first saw it on a romantic ‘telesine’ last year. Hence, I dreamed to actually be there. The dream came true last summer.

A sojourn with my relatives to Ilocos Norte took us to Cape Bojeador Lighthouse. It is located in the town of Burgos, about 45 kilometers (28 miles) from the capital Laoag City. It faces the northwestern approach to the China Sea coast. It is reputed as the tallest in the country and in Asia. A local travelogue listed it as the most visited lighthouse in the Philippines.

At a distance the lighthouse basked under the hot afternoon sun towering majestically above a mountain. The steep road that leads to it was exhilarating. One is reminded of the treacherous Kennon road to Baguio City yet a sense of anticipation prevails as the beauty unravels as we get to the top.

Upon reaching the summit, we were greeted by a breathtaking view of the Ilocandia coast. As if transported back in time, each of us was assimilating the transcendental feel of the surrounding. As the breeze swept, I could almost hear the silent retelling of the ancient Ilocano myths and folklores. The view of the splashing waves below may have inspired the scenes from the epic of Lam-Ang.

My oblivious reverie was broken by the company of children (an 11 year old cousin and nephews ages 10 and 4 respectively) imploring me for us to get to the lighthouse. Even before I could say anything, the two older boys were hurrying ahead of us. Their innocent voices were filled with curious delight. My aunt and uncle both declined to come with us but because of different reasons: my uncle due to arthritis while my ‘psychic’ aunt due to some eerie feeling in her. Indeed, believe her or not, a mist of mystery permeates the place.

The actual lighthouse is imposing. Its tower is octagonal with a cylindrical lantern, attached to a brick keeper’s quarters. The structure resembles that of a fairy tale castle from Grimm. To my aunt however it may have looked like a haunted castle from Bram Stoker. Nevertheless, the place is enchanting.

We climbed about fifty steps to set foot on the lighthouse premises. One may easily imagine a young Henry Wadsworth Longfellow writing “The Lighthouse” or a poet sitting on its steps facing the sea; or a forlorn maiden staring at the horizon awaiting the return of her sea-faring lover.

The lighthouse is very old. A rusty iron grill matching the main gate protects the perimeter. In an adjacent area, a stonewall remnant may once stood a Spanish garrison. Yet, there was no proof to substantiate this. Only in my mind’s eye was I able to conjure up this idea by taking into account the vital role of such a structure in securing the cape from invaders.

Upon entering the gate, we were welcomed by a cobbled-stone courtyard. Walking along its expanse, I could almost hear the ancient echoes of ‘ball-and-shackles’ and of marching soldiers.

We were greeted by the amiable caretaker Mang Ruben (whom we addressed as “manong”) as we entered the lighthouse. Inside is a narrow hallway. Its polished brick flooring reverberates with the harrowing sound of an officer’s boots. The first room along this hallway, to the left, is a museum enshrined the history of Cape Bojeador. Old maps and sepia photographs of the lighthouse hang on the walls. A diorama of the lighthouse and the surrounding cape was set at the center of the room.

I learned that the lighthouse was built and established in 1892. It was originally called Faro de Cabo Bojeador. In 1990, an earthquake damaged parts of the structure yet it was fortunate that the whole structure did not crumble. Under the management of the Philippine Coast Guard, it is still operational.

The afternoon sun filtering through the windows gives a serene glow that complements the rustic ambiance of the room. The silence of the room was disturbed only by the excited voices of the kids inspite my incessant hushing. Being there and looking at the pictures one can be easily engulfed by a sense of nostalgia.

At the end of the hallway is a stairway that leads to the second level where a balcony offers the best view of the surrounding cape. I took some pictures of us with the splendid view at the background. Along the deck are solar panels that supply power to the lighthouse. According to Mang Ruben, who has been the lighthouse keeper since 1992, the light is automated but there is still a need for a resident keeper to maintain the facility.

We wasted not a space to discover about the lighthouse except for the powerhouse which is off-limits to the public for obvious reasons. After we signed the guest book, Mang Ruben escorted us out while conveying our gratitude for a rewarding visit.

Outside, I took a last look at the premises. The lighthouse is indeed antique but is fast falling into ruins. The crumbling roof and gutters are unsightly. However the beauty and charm of the lighthouse remains. I just hope that its allure will not stop at awe and admiration from visitors. I wish we could do our part in the restoration of this historic landmark and preserve our heritage. Furthermore, it should remain as an active aid to navigation.

Earlier, I learned that there had been moves to make the private sector and non-governmental organizations (NGO) take an active part in the restoration of all lighthouses in the country through “Adopt A Lighthouse Project”. It is comforting to know that this particular lighthouse has its fostering from the local officials of the province of Ilocos Norte. But much is still to be done.

In our country were basic needs are hardly met and governmental budget for social services are insufficient, we care less to spend on cultural and historical restoration projects. We yet to fully realize the value of heritage preservation is as essential in nation building. It is apparent that in developed countries there is a strong sense of cultural identity. The historic and heritage wealth of a country are fundamental in establishing the identity of its people. Progress follows through the collective effort of its people secured and united in its identity as a nation.

I let the kids go before me. Left alone, I let myself in a moment of serenity. I reached down for a coin and deliberately dropped it on the cobbled-stone (since there was no wishing well). The sound reverberated as the coin hit the ground. I wish someday to return to this place and I hope there’ll be more help to come to retain the legacy of this lighthouse.

We were met by my aunt and uncle at the foot of the hill and took some more pictures. I coaxingly, amidst their protest, choreographed my aunt and uncle in a romantic poise ‘ala-telesine’. With the lighthouse as an appropriate backdrop, it serves as a symbolic pillar of strength and stability. It is a novelty in our time to see couples in their prime haggle together in affection. It was the hopeless romantic in me.

We abandoned the place shortly before dusk. As we drove away, I looked back to take a last glimpse of the lighthouse. A golden glimmer from the setting sun now shrouds it. The sight was melancholic. I then looked at my four-year-old nephew whose head quietly rest on my lap exhausted from the day’s journey. I tried to reflect the impact of this visit on him. I wish he already understand the significance of preserving a historical place. I wonder if he will be able to visit it again when he is old enough to appreciate its beauty. In its present state of deterioration, it may no longer be there. Yet, I am hopeful that such a beautiful place will withstand the ravages of time because I believe that we Pinoys are inherently sentimental. Forget about government not spending on “non-essential” projects such as preservation, there’ll be always be people (institutions even) out there to see to it and that these heritage sites are worth preserving for the generations to come.