A YEAR IN A BLOG

“A teacher teach, a chef cook, a nurse takes care of the sick and a writer writes.” Each has to do what one has to do. Each has the right to aspire and pursue what one wanted to be. These are the motivations that gave birth to this blog a year ago, today.

I’ve always wanted to express myself with words. My propensity to communicate ideas is my way of trying to make sense of everything. I discovered that confronting life’s issues are better by the use of words. It almost makes tangible the yearnings of the soul. And by speaking one’s own mind paves the way to better understand oneself. Also writing can be therapeutic. It can be a liberating experience once you were able to express the profound thoughts and make sense out of the incomprehensible. Because of these, I wanted to be a writer more than anything else.

It took me a long time before I got into actual writing since my education (I was into science and medicine) veered away from my true passion. Yes, I have been writing privately and not on a regular basis. But thanks to blogging, aspiring writers or those simply wanted to be heard, has now an avenue for free expression. Despite my limitations, I had enough courage to get into actual writing. I still have a long-way to go in my quest to be fulfilled as a writer. Yet having started this blog last year was a giant step ahead to where I wanted to be.

A year’s journey through this blog was tedious since I had to attend to more urgent matters such as making a living. I had to cramp in so little time left for me to hone this craft. I could have posted more, if only I had more time allowed me to engage in this endeavor. So far, I never experience what they call writer’s bloc. It is perhaps still too early for me to suffer that. There seems to be so much for me to write about. But time is of the essence.

Another major struggle for me is the technical aspect of writing. Being bilingual (English and Tagalog) and lacks the formal training in writing, I have to watch closely my grammar and spelling. I admit being a poor speller but thanks to MS Word application’s auto-spelling verification as a remedy for this difficulty. But the reliability stops there. I wouldn’t trust the auto-grammar verification, which oftentimes in my experience more detrimental than helpful to my writing.

Moreover, being an amateur, I struggle through the unwritten rules of propriety when it comes to ‘what has to be said and what is not’ and ‘how to say them’ without inciting disapproval. But this issue brings me to the most crucial challenge I have to face to be a consummate writer— that is to overcome my fear of judgment. A writer has to be confident to stand on what he writes about. He has to be ready to face dissenting opinions and views that are contrary to his position. He has to be willing to explore the possibilities beyond what is acceptable and popular without being too radical as to go against the grains of morality. Likewise, he has to be always honest and transparent in what he writes. He must be ever willing to accept correction from readers and admit to any misinformation. Afterall, he owes the truth to his readers.

After a year, I still have a lot of hesitations regarding my writing primarily because I am still afraid to be judged or rejected. A sense of inadequacy still plagues me everytime I publish a post. And yes, I still feel ashamed when I promote this blog as if I was desperate for readership. I feel I was trying too hard to get people to read me despite their disinterest. While these may be partly true, I believe that there were those who had read my posts do think I have the potential. A few of them actually told me so, like my high school batch-mates: Charlton Cauton, Jonji Martinez, Julius Ceasar Sotto and the rest of the Baste H.S. Class ‘86 whom I connected to in Facebook. To them thank you very, very much. Their appreciation means so much to me. I can not thank enough those who let me post their personal photos to grace the pages of this blog: Rowena Chua, Primo Betanio, Mel Nuguid, Sonny Pablo, Sherwin Moreno, Eric Ernest A. Ligon, M.D., Jonjon Logarta and Dr. Earl Galupo. My thanks to my dear friend: Rolyn D. Viaje, M.D. for her unfailing moral support. Special gratitude goes to my followers: Maricar S. Santos, M.D., my bestfriend and constant inspiration; and Nemet Reyes, my Kumpare (buddy) both I coerced into registering. Hehe! To Itch, Peejay, Toshi and Maylene who themselves may had registered here by accident, thank you! And to those who remain anonymous but had visited here, I am honored by your presence.

Ultimately, I have to believe in myself. There is nothing like nurturing one’s own inner strength. And just like the mythical Firebird (a.k.a. Phoenix), to whom this blog was titled after, “it burns itself and rose back from the ashes.” In this same spirit should I be inspired to keep on. I could only learn from the experiences of the past year. I have to strive to be better, be resilient through every challenge and resolute in my decisions.

The flight of the Firebird is seemingly solitary at the moment and the light of the Divine Flame (title of my other blog at http://dan-flame.blogspot.com) is quiet dim for now. Yet if I am willing to learn better, work harder and to journey longer through this endeavor, maybe soon flocks shall accompany the Firebird as it soars into the horizon and the Divine Flame shall carry the torch of enlightenment to others— these are if I will be able to give every reader good, sound and honest writings worthy of their time and effort.

Happy 1st Anniversary, Firebird! http://danflame.blogspot.com/
And God abide with the Divine Flame! http://dan-flame.blogspot.com/

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF HUMAN RELATIONS

1. Speak to people.
- There is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greetings.

2. Smile at people.
- It takes 65 muscles to frown; only 15 to smile.

3. Call people by name.
- The sweetest music to anyone’s ears is the sound of his name.

4. Be friendly and helpful.
- If you would, have friends. Be friendly.

5. Be cordial.
- Speak and act as if everything you do were a genuine pleasure.

6. Be genuinely interested in people.
- You can like everybody if you try.

7. Be generous with praise,
- Cautious with criticism.

8. Be considerate with the feelings of others.
- It will be appreciated.

9. Be thoughtful of the opinions of others.
- There are 3 sides to a controversy: yours, the other fellow’s,
and the right one.

10. Be alert to give service.
- What counts most in life is what we do for others.

- Adapted -

FATHERHOOD IS RESPONSIBILITY

Fatherhood, admit it or not, has not been regarded as much as motherhood. Unlike fatherhood, the maternal role is the more nurturing side of parenthood that has a greater impact in the emotional growth of an individual. Yet a certain level of emotional expediency can be derived from fatherhood, it is not as intense compared to that received from the mother. While motherhood appeals more to the sublime nature, fatherhood is to the temporal and practical aspects of the bonds that form between parents and offspring. These are not to set aside or undermine the role of fathers. These are but how it is in the natural order of things. Undoubtedly, offspring will benefit more fully if they have both parents than just have one of the other. Ideally that is.

Fatherhood, by parental definition, is gender specific. However, the actual role and responsibility are beyond gender. We also have to consider the variation in culture, social class, norms and laws in delineating the role and responsibility of fathers in every society.

Perception of fatherhood is relative to one’s personal experience. One’s own relationship with the father (or the lack of it) becomes the basis for defining fatherhood for daughters scouting for potential mates or the standard any son has to live up to when he becomes a father himself. Good or bad perception will greatly depend on how each father has affected his children. The common basis for good fathering is the ability to secure his family. Security means his ability to protect and provide for them. This is the socially accepted norm or the tradition in many cultures. However, the shift to a more modern lifestyle has altered the way we do parenting. The family dynamics has evolved so greatly through the generations that we perceive fatherhood differently now than we conventionally do.

Despite the changes in the family dynamics, certain things remain and withstand the test of time, an essential word in defining fatherhood— responsibility. Yet both parents each have their responsibilities, the word becomes almost synonymous with the father since he, as already stated, provides for the family.

Reversal of gender roles is common nowadays. The greater empowerment of women paved the way for more of them having established careers as those of the men. Some of them actually achieve (and earn) more than the men. Other women meanwhile are forced to work due to economic necessity. They work to augment the family income with their spouses. But the worst is when they solely earn because they are single parent or with inept husband. In these circumstances, fatherhood is being re-defined. While it is hard enough for the male ego to admit the full equality or total subservience to their wives, they would rather accept the circumstances for the good of their family. Thus the term “house husband” has been coined to describe the male spouse who opted (or forced by necessity) to keep the home. In this case, the father has to fulfill the maternal duties to his children. Although not very commendable due to the cultural bias a father may experience as a consequence, I would say it isn’t so bad as long as he is doing his share in the family. And as long as he is brave enough to withstand the banter, frowns and criticism from others, he will have to do what he has to do. Otherwise, it is worst if he won’t do anything and be labeled irresponsible.

Single dads, on the other hand, are less prominent than single moms because of their comparative population. But I guess it is more challenging for the men to be single parent than women. Since men are less adept in emotional matters, this may take its toll on the productivity of the father and affect his ability to provide. Whether they are unmarried, widowed, divorced or separated, single-dads are unique symbols of masculinity. They are the new breed of fathers who with all the hardships and challenges are courageous enough to take on the responsibility.

Marital and non-marital status (e.g. “living in”), divorce, separation, neglect or abandonment is crucial in determining the success or failure of fatherhood. The social, ethical and legal circumstances determine how fatherhood shall be carried-out. Fathers in marital bliss are less likely to fail in their responsibility. Since marriage is a contractual commitment, legal and binding, a father is guaranteed civil liability if ever he does not comply with his responsibilities.

Divorce and separation can be traumatic more so on the children. In this case, fatherhood will have to adapt to a new set of circumstances. Depending whose spouse shall have the kids (which is often to the moms), it is expected that the father shall continue to shoulder the burden of providing for the kids. Yet the family set-up has been shaken, the father’s responsibility is unchanged.

Among non-marital couples, fathers go by a different set of rules. Although he may not have full legal right (depends on the country) as a father, his responsibilities however to his children are no less than their married counterparts. This is to guarantee that each child will have the right to get support from their father. But the law can only protect them for so long. Non-marital relations are very volatile. There is no legal bind that shall protect either party, to the detriment of the children. Abandonment and neglect of responsibility, mostly (but not exclusively) by the father, commonly results to these tragic circumstances.

Fatherhood is not strictly biological. Adoption is common options to childless couples and those single people qualified enough to become parents themselves. Orphanages and child welfare institutions have set stringent criteria in determining the standards for anyone to be given the right to adopt. Taken every necessary requirement in consideration, the capacity to earn and provide for the child tops the list of the requirements. While there are greater responsibility that any parent shall have to fulfill vital in child rearing, the parental responsibility of a father demands more in giving the child the best, according to his capability to provide shelter, food, healthcare and education.

Fatherhood is indeed a responsibility. To be a father, one has to be willing to take the burden of responsibility for lives other than oneself. Yet we talk of responsibility in terms of the father’s earning capacity and income, I discount not the other aspect of fatherhood which is less involved in the practical side of rearing their children such as character formation, life-values orientation, emotional support and spiritual growth. Besides, a father who is dedicated to just “bringing the bacon”, so to speak, but does not spend time with his children or does not participate in their upbringing can be potentially harmful and can result to dysfunctionality in the family. But still, I would have to say that providing for the family is foremost among the father’s responsibility. The best father however will do so not only as an obligatory act but as a loving response to the meaningful experience he gets in fulfilling his role.

Happy Father’s Day!

STORY TELLER'S CREED

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.

That myth is more potent than history.

That dreams are more powerful than facts.

That hope always triumphs over experience.

That laughter is the only cure for grief.

And I believe that love is stronger than death.

ROMANCING THE LIGHTHOUSE

(Written in the summer of 2003)

I was enamored to this place when I first saw it on a romantic ‘telesine’ last year. Hence, I dreamed to actually be there. The dream came true last summer.

A sojourn with my relatives to Ilocos Norte took us to Cape Bojeador Lighthouse. It is located in the town of Burgos, about 45 kilometers (28 miles) from the capital Laoag City. It faces the northwestern approach to the China Sea coast. It is reputed as the tallest in the country and in Asia. A local travelogue listed it as the most visited lighthouse in the Philippines.

At a distance the lighthouse basked under the hot afternoon sun towering majestically above a mountain. The steep road that leads to it was exhilarating. One is reminded of the treacherous Kennon road to Baguio City yet a sense of anticipation prevails as the beauty unravels as we get to the top.

Upon reaching the summit, we were greeted by a breathtaking view of the Ilocandia coast. As if transported back in time, each of us was assimilating the transcendental feel of the surrounding. As the breeze swept, I could almost hear the silent retelling of the ancient Ilocano myths and folklores. The view of the splashing waves below may have inspired the scenes from the epic of Lam-Ang.

My oblivious reverie was broken by the company of children (an 11 year old cousin and nephews ages 10 and 4 respectively) imploring me for us to get to the lighthouse. Even before I could say anything, the two older boys were hurrying ahead of us. Their innocent voices were filled with curious delight. My aunt and uncle both declined to come with us but because of different reasons: my uncle due to arthritis while my ‘psychic’ aunt due to some eerie feeling in her. Indeed, believe her or not, a mist of mystery permeates the place.

The actual lighthouse is imposing. Its tower is octagonal with a cylindrical lantern, attached to a brick keeper’s quarters. The structure resembles that of a fairy tale castle from Grimm. To my aunt however it may have looked like a haunted castle from Bram Stoker. Nevertheless, the place is enchanting.

We climbed about fifty steps to set foot on the lighthouse premises. One may easily imagine a young Henry Wadsworth Longfellow writing “The Lighthouse” or a poet sitting on its steps facing the sea; or a forlorn maiden staring at the horizon awaiting the return of her sea-faring lover.

The lighthouse is very old. A rusty iron grill matching the main gate protects the perimeter. In an adjacent area, a stonewall remnant may once stood a Spanish garrison. Yet, there was no proof to substantiate this. Only in my mind’s eye was I able to conjure up this idea by taking into account the vital role of such a structure in securing the cape from invaders.

Upon entering the gate, we were welcomed by a cobbled-stone courtyard. Walking along its expanse, I could almost hear the ancient echoes of ‘ball-and-shackles’ and of marching soldiers.

We were greeted by the amiable caretaker Mang Ruben (whom we addressed as “manong”) as we entered the lighthouse. Inside is a narrow hallway. Its polished brick flooring reverberates with the harrowing sound of an officer’s boots. The first room along this hallway, to the left, is a museum enshrined the history of Cape Bojeador. Old maps and sepia photographs of the lighthouse hang on the walls. A diorama of the lighthouse and the surrounding cape was set at the center of the room.

I learned that the lighthouse was built and established in 1892. It was originally called Faro de Cabo Bojeador. In 1990, an earthquake damaged parts of the structure yet it was fortunate that the whole structure did not crumble. Under the management of the Philippine Coast Guard, it is still operational.

The afternoon sun filtering through the windows gives a serene glow that complements the rustic ambiance of the room. The silence of the room was disturbed only by the excited voices of the kids inspite my incessant hushing. Being there and looking at the pictures one can be easily engulfed by a sense of nostalgia.

At the end of the hallway is a stairway that leads to the second level where a balcony offers the best view of the surrounding cape. I took some pictures of us with the splendid view at the background. Along the deck are solar panels that supply power to the lighthouse. According to Mang Ruben, who has been the lighthouse keeper since 1992, the light is automated but there is still a need for a resident keeper to maintain the facility.

We wasted not a space to discover about the lighthouse except for the powerhouse which is off-limits to the public for obvious reasons. After we signed the guest book, Mang Ruben escorted us out while conveying our gratitude for a rewarding visit.

Outside, I took a last look at the premises. The lighthouse is indeed antique but is fast falling into ruins. The crumbling roof and gutters are unsightly. However the beauty and charm of the lighthouse remains. I just hope that its allure will not stop at awe and admiration from visitors. I wish we could do our part in the restoration of this historic landmark and preserve our heritage. Furthermore, it should remain as an active aid to navigation.

Earlier, I learned that there had been moves to make the private sector and non-governmental organizations (NGO) take an active part in the restoration of all lighthouses in the country through “Adopt A Lighthouse Project”. It is comforting to know that this particular lighthouse has its fostering from the local officials of the province of Ilocos Norte. But much is still to be done.

In our country were basic needs are hardly met and governmental budget for social services are insufficient, we care less to spend on cultural and historical restoration projects. We yet to fully realize the value of heritage preservation is as essential in nation building. It is apparent that in developed countries there is a strong sense of cultural identity. The historic and heritage wealth of a country are fundamental in establishing the identity of its people. Progress follows through the collective effort of its people secured and united in its identity as a nation.

I let the kids go before me. Left alone, I let myself in a moment of serenity. I reached down for a coin and deliberately dropped it on the cobbled-stone (since there was no wishing well). The sound reverberated as the coin hit the ground. I wish someday to return to this place and I hope there’ll be more help to come to retain the legacy of this lighthouse.

We were met by my aunt and uncle at the foot of the hill and took some more pictures. I coaxingly, amidst their protest, choreographed my aunt and uncle in a romantic poise ‘ala-telesine’. With the lighthouse as an appropriate backdrop, it serves as a symbolic pillar of strength and stability. It is a novelty in our time to see couples in their prime haggle together in affection. It was the hopeless romantic in me.

We abandoned the place shortly before dusk. As we drove away, I looked back to take a last glimpse of the lighthouse. A golden glimmer from the setting sun now shrouds it. The sight was melancholic. I then looked at my four-year-old nephew whose head quietly rest on my lap exhausted from the day’s journey. I tried to reflect the impact of this visit on him. I wish he already understand the significance of preserving a historical place. I wonder if he will be able to visit it again when he is old enough to appreciate its beauty. In its present state of deterioration, it may no longer be there. Yet, I am hopeful that such a beautiful place will withstand the ravages of time because I believe that we Pinoys are inherently sentimental. Forget about government not spending on “non-essential” projects such as preservation, there’ll be always be people (institutions even) out there to see to it and that these heritage sites are worth preserving for the generations to come.