TO LEARN AND GROW IN SEPARATION
Dedicated to Rowena Chua & family
Recently, a friend left for the U.S. and left behind her two teenage sons. She left with a heart filled with anxiety and ambivalence. My heart goes-out to her. I understand her predicament. After taking care and being with them since their birth, the thought of separation can be intimidating. Being so accustomed to each others presence, being away from each other can be emotionally challenging. In a way, they’ve been in each others’ security. Their mother is their source of refuge and protection while their cherished presence is their mother’s emotional sanctuary. It’ll be tough for them at the moment. They’ll just have to learn to adapt to their situation for their own sake.
In every phase of life involved some act of ‘moving-away’ or being separated with something valuable or familiar; to someone dear. Our life as an individual began at the severance of the umbilical cord. Suddenly, we are detached from our mother to become an exclusive entity to develop with a free will and the ability for independent living. Soon, a series of experiences happen that involves the process of separation. Remember, the first day of school; the first time you took the commuter transport without your parents; the time you ‘moved away’ from home to college dormitory; when you migrated or when you got married. In close scrutiny, all these milestones and many other minor events in life somehow indicates ‘moving away’ or being separated.
Physical separation can be difficult depending on the emotions involved with it. The degree of emotion can be determined by how valuable or dear someone or something is to you. The greater the emotional degree involved, the greater the challenge to face separation. Yet, the human spirit is build with a resiliency to hurdle the challenges of change and surpass the pains of any kind of separation. No matter how great the emotion involved in separation, it is possible, even beneficial, to look at it in a way less dreadful
Indeed, moving away from what you’ve grown accustomed to can be dreadful. Otherwise, we could look at this as an opportunity for learning and growth. To see this in such a way could make separation take on a new meaning, one that opens to new possibilities in life.
Since the process of change is inevitable, it is wise for us to use our emotional resources to adapt and conform to matters beyond our control. Inasmuch that as parents we shield our children from any harm, failure and challenging experiences, we could only protect them at a certain point. Afterall, their exposure to challenges can be the best opportunity for growth. They can get this in no other way but to experience both the good and bad, high and low of life. As parents we can only guide and teach them. The rest lies on how well they learned the lessons we taught them. Hence, we will see how we raised them by letting them go on their own.
Oftentimes, to gain one’s personhood and self-worth demands the price of being separated from those dearest to us. Away from their family, children learn to be with other people and become more sociable. They discover a whole new world away from the confines of home. Thus, they become knowledgeable and wiser by each moment they encounter. Later on, they discover their true strengths by exercising their free will. In independence, they learn to be self-sufficient and confident of themselves. It has been proved by empirical studies that those who managed independence responsibly become well-adjusted people. This experience gives way for creative expression and “open-mindedness” suitable for inculcating a well-rounded personality. With all these, there is a greater chance for them to achieve their life’s goals and succeed in any endeavor.
Eventually, they will raise families of their own and become parents themselves. Then the whole cycle happens over again. The process of separation and ‘moving away’ repeats through the generations.
“Parting is such sweet sorrow”, William Shakespeare once wrote. It echoes to us today that inspite of the pain and difficulty of separation we are enriched to experience the fullness of life. ----- And nothing can be sweeter than that!
Dedicated to Rowena Chua & family
Recently, a friend left for the U.S. and left behind her two teenage sons. She left with a heart filled with anxiety and ambivalence. My heart goes-out to her. I understand her predicament. After taking care and being with them since their birth, the thought of separation can be intimidating. Being so accustomed to each others presence, being away from each other can be emotionally challenging. In a way, they’ve been in each others’ security. Their mother is their source of refuge and protection while their cherished presence is their mother’s emotional sanctuary. It’ll be tough for them at the moment. They’ll just have to learn to adapt to their situation for their own sake.
In every phase of life involved some act of ‘moving-away’ or being separated with something valuable or familiar; to someone dear. Our life as an individual began at the severance of the umbilical cord. Suddenly, we are detached from our mother to become an exclusive entity to develop with a free will and the ability for independent living. Soon, a series of experiences happen that involves the process of separation. Remember, the first day of school; the first time you took the commuter transport without your parents; the time you ‘moved away’ from home to college dormitory; when you migrated or when you got married. In close scrutiny, all these milestones and many other minor events in life somehow indicates ‘moving away’ or being separated.
Physical separation can be difficult depending on the emotions involved with it. The degree of emotion can be determined by how valuable or dear someone or something is to you. The greater the emotional degree involved, the greater the challenge to face separation. Yet, the human spirit is build with a resiliency to hurdle the challenges of change and surpass the pains of any kind of separation. No matter how great the emotion involved in separation, it is possible, even beneficial, to look at it in a way less dreadful
Indeed, moving away from what you’ve grown accustomed to can be dreadful. Otherwise, we could look at this as an opportunity for learning and growth. To see this in such a way could make separation take on a new meaning, one that opens to new possibilities in life.
Since the process of change is inevitable, it is wise for us to use our emotional resources to adapt and conform to matters beyond our control. Inasmuch that as parents we shield our children from any harm, failure and challenging experiences, we could only protect them at a certain point. Afterall, their exposure to challenges can be the best opportunity for growth. They can get this in no other way but to experience both the good and bad, high and low of life. As parents we can only guide and teach them. The rest lies on how well they learned the lessons we taught them. Hence, we will see how we raised them by letting them go on their own.
Oftentimes, to gain one’s personhood and self-worth demands the price of being separated from those dearest to us. Away from their family, children learn to be with other people and become more sociable. They discover a whole new world away from the confines of home. Thus, they become knowledgeable and wiser by each moment they encounter. Later on, they discover their true strengths by exercising their free will. In independence, they learn to be self-sufficient and confident of themselves. It has been proved by empirical studies that those who managed independence responsibly become well-adjusted people. This experience gives way for creative expression and “open-mindedness” suitable for inculcating a well-rounded personality. With all these, there is a greater chance for them to achieve their life’s goals and succeed in any endeavor.
Eventually, they will raise families of their own and become parents themselves. Then the whole cycle happens over again. The process of separation and ‘moving away’ repeats through the generations.
“Parting is such sweet sorrow”, William Shakespeare once wrote. It echoes to us today that inspite of the pain and difficulty of separation we are enriched to experience the fullness of life. ----- And nothing can be sweeter than that!
No comments:
Post a Comment