POSTCARD FROM HOME
Dedicated to Maria Carmen S. Santos M.D.

As I read an old postcard sent by a dear friend, who decided to migrate to the U.S.A. five years ago, a sense of nostalgia swept over me. Reminiscing the times we had together as if those days will be forever. However, life is dynamic. There is nothing constant in living but change itself. We are in constant motion, growing and changing. Lest we do, life is senseless we might as well die.

Since the dawn of time, human beings have been traveling. From place to place humans move to hunt, establish habitation or seek a mate. The present human population is no different. The majority of the population migrates for reason of economics, build a home and raise families. Yet, there are deeper reasons why people decide to migrate, leave their origin or move from place to place.

It is evident that in countries where there is lack of resources and opportunity, the primary reason to migrate is economics. It has become a necessity to the poor among the population to look for employment in other lands. However, there are those who do so for personal reasons. Like my friend, who is hardly destitute, her migration to “greener pasture” is a choice than a necessity. Afterall she, being a doctor offers enough opportunity and a career that could support a decent living set apart from the rest of the population stricken by poverty and ignorance.

But, we need more than a decent living. We have big dreams for ourselves and for our families. We wanted the best life could offer us. To do so, we need to be where there are more opportunity for growth and development. Better education or career advancement open doors not only to financial success but self-fulfillment as well. By then, we will be able to provide more than the necessity for living but the perks in life we deserve for working hard and bearing with the difficulties of living in a foreign land.

Didn’t we say it was easy? With the opportunities are the challenges one has to hurdle when migrating. It could be terrifying to live in an odd place with a culture different from ours. Not to mention, peculiar laws and mores one has to abide and conform with. However, the conformity one has to manage relative to the customs and culture of a place is not as half the challenge compared to the pains of being alone and be separated form family and friends. Inspite these challenges, migration occurs because it is an inherent activity in any population.

Migration of the population is prevalent in war-torn lands; places plagued by natural or man-made disasters and in oppressed societies. It is the instinctual need for self-preservation that brings people to places fit for survival. It is unfortunate that refugees, Faced already by hostile human conditions, are easy prey to human traffickers and unscrupulous human traders. Hence, even in a new land, they end-up in more hapless situation than where they left.

Movement in the population can be within local or regional areas. Such are the homeless and the dispossessed. In this country they are commonly called informal settlers or “squatters”. They can be seen in urban areas however, we also have them in rural areas where the vast tracks of land are owned by the rich. Their constant relocation offers only temporary solution to their plight. They are not exclusive among poor countries. In fact, every country has them. Just see the line of trailer homes and those living in trailer camps across America because they don’t have their own place.

Contrary to popular notion that migration is movement from places of lack to places of abundance, there are those who migrate to where help is needed most. Forced by commitment to make a better world, they leave their comfortable homes and family to share what they have and bring inspiration, meaning and hope to humanity. The religious missionaries, the volunteers for charitable institutions and the relentless movers of just causes are but the few I could mention who travel from place to place or migrate permanently for altruistic reasons.

Migration could also be a lifestyle fad. There are those who do so because of social acclaim. These are people who have more than enough than anyone from their origins. To live in Paris, New York, Singapore or any place prominent for high standards (e.g. expensive) of living is a mark of distinction for those who can afford it. It is not surprising that we beam with pride whenever we tell others where we’ve been; that we were able to go abroad and see places where others just dream about. Others can just listen to us with shared excitement and joy while others with pangs of jealousy and envy.

There are those who opted to migrate because they wanted a way out of a situation. The fugitives from justice, those who are persecuted for their political beliefs and those who just wanted to escape some traumatic experience seek refuge to other lands. In a new land, those granted political or ideological asylum may find freedom and social acceptance. In contrast, the fugitives of the law and those who are psychologically traumatized, even in a new place, to be haunted and to live in constant fear offers no escape from their situation.

For families separated by distance, migration offers the best option. When the necessary requisites are provided for, family members are reunited and build the future together in a new land. To be away from their native land and be in a strange place is worthy enough as long as the family is together. Recently, my grand aunt, who just turned 93, asked for my lawyer uncle to draft her last Will. After that, she will migrate to Canada to be with her son and wait for her time there. She is willing to trade everything she has and spend her remaining time in a foreign land just to be with family. Ultimately, we would rather be with those most dear to us in a foreign land than to stay in our native land alone.

On the other hand, there are those who migrate to escape family problems or dysfunctional relationship. It is sad that one has to leave home due to this matter. However, in some cases, this could be the only alternative to an otherwise desperate attempt to mend a situation marred by hopelessness and despair.

Some among us are drawn to adventure; to conquer new worlds and constantly seek new experiences. These restless souls push themselves to the limit of possibilities. They are in constant need to recapture their sense of novelty that results to a more exciting life. Others go to new places to seek new challenges such as a new job or career, or try a lifestyle unfamiliar to them. There is no room for complacency but enthusiasm and awe steers the life of these people. Thus, to see new places, adapt to peculiar cultures, learn foreign languages and meet new people can be most exhilarating experience.

Then, there are the drifters, those who journey without a destination. They wander aimlessly. Without specific purpose, they move as long as they can. From place to place they come and go. They take almost nothing with them but the barest of essential and the wind against their faces. Contrary to the romanticized image of a “carefree” lifestyle we read about in popular fiction or as depicted in cinema, it could be a hard, lonely and meaningless existence.

Finally, there are those who left their origins because, according to them, they wanted to find their “selves”. It probably sounds abstract yet we each have that tendency to search for that place where we are most at ease or simply be ourselves; a place where we are at home.

As I keep the postcards my friend sent me, I wonder if she and others who migrated will ever go back home. But where is home? Is it to go back to our place of origin? Is it the place where we fulfilled our wishes and be with family? Or is it the place we aspired for or dreamed about? Maybe, it is the place where we found our life’s vocation? Or perhaps, the place where we gained ourselves?

As vital as migration, we search for that distinct place we call “home”. It is a universal call. Sooner or later, we all have to settle somewhere and establish our roots. A Chinese proverb says, “Wherever you settle, there is your home.” It is not necessarily be our place of origin or our native land. It might not even be an actual place. It may be just lurking within us.

An old adage says, “Home is where the heart is”. Depending on where our heart is, home can be our family, our career or vocation, our aspirations. The place where we are is not important. Here or there, we can claim our own niche; build ourselves. Within us is the ability to create that haven, a refuge amidst the hustle and bustle of life. Anywhere we could find ourselves. When these are achieved, we are home. Where we could find personal contentment and inner peace that is home.

Yes, we each have the option to migrate or to stay where we are now. In a sense, we are all pilgrims in this world. But somewhere, there is a home waiting for us. For the moment, while we long for that elusive “home”, we go on with our living and do what we ought to do. At the end of the day, we each will receive a postcard from home beckoning us to settle, be at peace with ourselves and the world around us ---- wherever we may be.


DJ FLAME
July 19, 2009

IN MEMORY OF A FRIENDSHIP

Exactly eight years ago today, my friend committed suicide. He was intelligent, charming, driven. He was amiable and popular especially among the ladies. He was a wonderful human being. But on this particular day before dawn, perhaps after making his routine rounds of the hospital ward were he worked, he took a lethal dose of pills to his death. He left no note, not a word of explanation. He left behind a promising career in medicine and a daughter, then barely a year old. He was only 31 years old.

I have never been able to forget his endearing qualities. Looking back, I could say, he was with me in my most difficult time. He was caring, helpful, responsive, filled with potentials. Who could have known that he will one day preempt his own lifetime. Undoubtedly, he had his own struggles and not a few times the signs were evident. But he chose to keep things to himself despite his friends’ readiness to help whenever and whatever we could extend to him. He was a good friend but very private.

I wish I had the opportunity to probe hard enough into his soul to learn about his dilemma which may have prevented him from his own destruction. I was not blaming myself for his death. I simply wondered what more might I have done; if I could have, even momentarily, be there for him as he was during my trials. Much to his detriment, he managed to contain his emotions or maybe he was just too embarrassed to bother anyone with his predicament.

The reason he, two other high school batchmates and others who took their own life are beyond my comprehension. However, despite my belief in accountability, it is not for me to pass judgment on them. I neither condemn nor condone what they did. Yet, I believe that they had a grave (no pun intended) reason for doing so. I say this without disregard to the moral values we grew up with. Afterall, the basis of all morality is compassion.

Eventually in life, each of us stands alone. No fame, fortune or no matter how many people surround us, in the most significant moments of life we will, most likely, find ourselves alone. We came to this world alone and will leave it alone. And in between these most significant moments there is the aloneness of fear, moments of tears, struggles and moments of decisions. These are the times when each of us is faced only with ourselves. For no one else can truly understand the extent of one’s grief or sadness, strivings or the complex motivations behind every decision. These “aloneness” might have pushed them to the brink.

I will cherish the memories. The lunchbreak we shared on that first day of class as high school freshmen. We were young (12 years old) then, in a new school with so much possibilities. We were Boy Scouts throughout high school and every scouting activity was truly memorable. We were separated in college as we pursued different degrees from different universities. Later on when we were reunited in the same medical school; amidst the seemingly endless studying as we aspired to become doctors, the laughter and tears we shared were profound. We may not have seen things “eye-to-eye” nevertheless, the sweetness of our friendship could not have been the same without it.

To lose a dear friend after so many shared moments and experiences was terribly painful. It was difficult to part with such an encouraging force in one’s life. But nothing is forever. In reality we never lose them. They are immortalized in out thoughts. They become part of who we are. Thus, they somehow participate in every idea and decision. They are irreplaceable and despite of the grief we are richer for all the moments we invested in them.

“Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord,
and let Your perpetual light shine upon him.”

“From the gates of the damn,
deliver his soul, O God.”

“And may he rest in peace.
Amen.”

DJ FLAME
July 14, 2009

PRIVATE LIVES GONE PUBLIC
AND OUR SEARCH FOR IDENTITY FROM THE MASS MEDIA

The death of pop-icon Michael Jackson stunned the world last weekend. Later in the week saw Imelda Marcos celebrated her 80th year of life with a truly imeldific flair. In contrast, Cory Aquino battling colon cancer was admitted to a hospital. The continuing saga of the Hayden Kho, Jr. sex video scandal is far from dying-out in the press. Thus, last week’s headline news in the Philippines were about life, illness, sex and death. These are common issues we all face yet become uncommon to those whose lives are public.

Who in the world has not heard about Michael Jackson? His larger than life image has dominated the performing art for almost half a century. He made a remarkable impact on the music industry. He was a recognizable figure wherever part of the world. His music has been playing non-stop across the globe. In our lifetime we have listened (actively or passively) to his music, seen his music video or read about him in the newspaper. Some may have looked upon him with disgust in the midst of the scandal and accusations of molestation, yet his notoriety has sparked an even growing popularity. He has been the object of both ridicule and adulation. His eccentricity and seemingly devious demeanor has become subject to both disdain and awe. He had secured his place in the annals of human history.

The Philippines’ famous widows, Imelda Marcos and Cory Aquino, in their own right have claimed global fame for themselves. Both have become legendary in their status. Whether, you prefer one from the other is not important; we may disagree with one another about their roles in history; we may love one and loathe the other yet we can not ignore the prominence they have achieved, good or bad, in our collective experience as a people. Both will be remembered long after their lifetime.

Hayden Kho, Jr., however not as globally known, is noteworthy in the news about his sex video scandal which has rocked as far as the internet permits. Despite the flooding of porn in cyberspace, the special interest in his sex videos sparks from the fact that he is a celebrity doctor, a handsome commercial model, a TV personality and his “sex partners” in the sex videos are showbiz people themselves. His May-December affair gone sour with Vicki Belo, the toast of Philippine aesthetic medicine and rejuvenation; a famous personality herself, added to the spice of the controversy. Sex, lies and videotapes are the familiar ingredients that make up this unfolding saga a soap opera.

Indeed, our mass media has gone beyond the borders of just bringing us information and entertainment. It is so powerful that it has the ability to shape the way we think and alter our perceptions of issues, people and events. Because of the vital role of mass media, presidents were elected; persons were capitulated to power or stashed away dishonored. From the mass media hailed our heroes as well as the villains of our times. Mass media may ascribe almost divine image to an otherwise mundane character while portray others as evil and conniving. Any ordinary, if not dreary, event may suddenly become romanticized to stir our senses. While we were entertained by soap operas, variety shows, film and live performances; various artists, producers and advertisers laugh all their way to the bank.

The art of journalism has become almost literary. In this case, eloquence is not the problem, afterall, media practitioners has the responsibility to protect the sensibilities of the public. And they do so by making the unsalacious interesting and the gross palatable without compromising the truth. It is when truth becomes blurred-out of proportion and stupefied in its context. Thus, sensationalism may emerge to serve the commercial interest of individuals, sectors or institutions. While propaganda, depending on how it is use, may be beneficial or detrimental for those who vie for influence.

In this age of investigative journalism, documentaries and “Reality TV” nothing escapes the cameras, the unceasing prying and the close scrutiny of private lives. Gossip has become the culture and the advancement in the digital technology has aggravated the situation in the sense that everything now is being transmitted in an instant. Whether it is a text message, a video or a photo can now be consumed by anyone access to any form of mass media communication. The accessibility of television, radio, internet and print media coupled with the availability of mobile phones and handy digital gadgets has paved the way for amateur journalists who lack the proper training and the ethical responsibility of a legitimate media professional. However, there are certain personalities who benefits from this brand of journalistic barbarism. Nowadays, it is quiet common for anyone to get that needed attention from the public by being notorious or absurd. Scandals and controversies are the things that make the media world go-round.

There is a saying that “publicity, good or bad, is still publicity”. Media personalities, celebrities and showbiz people, even political personages, worked hard to aspire for fame. Because with fame comes fortune and power. It is unfortunate that many forget that fame comes with a price and a responsibility.

Indeed, there is a price for being famous. Sometimes the stakes are too high that it demands so much on one’s personal life. To bask in the limelight means that private lives are public. Being a “public property”, one has to conform to standards the public demands. And to try to live-up to their expectations can be a futile experience. The geniuses, the remarkable and great among us, who have been put in the pedestal of distinction, can only thrive as long as there is public acclamation. Many prominent figures give up privacy and personal solitude to sustain their distinct reputation. Much to their detriment, the pressures may result to loneliness, dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

Much worst is the fate of the infamous. There can never be as harsh a judgment as from the “court of public opinion”. Any judgment rendered by judicial institutions that are contrary to public opinion is not enough to save face for an already tarnished reputation. For victims, “trial by publicity” is as cruel as the death penalty but to live with the shame is hell. It leaves an indelible scar etched forever in the mind of the public. The option to live life privately or publicly is not the luxury of those who wanted fame badly. The ambitious among us has no choice but to live as demanded by the public.

Somehow, we can not blame mass media for its unfaithfulness to its noble purpose. Eventually, we shape our mass media by what we consume from it. If its gossip we want, its gossip we get. We like the soap operatic drama because we try to find the reflections in our own life. Unconsciously, we are drawn to those whose lives seem to be larger than us. From them, some daydream for their own fame. Aspiring to be in showbiz or politics, some imitate their “idols” hoping one day they will be one to be idolized. However, we may try to probe into the inner sanctum of famous people but more often than not we get disappointed to learn that they are as common and regular as we are. There are those who tend to look for heroism from the mass media when there are none in their own reality. Others look for scoundrels and corrupt characters to blame for their own dilemmas or mask their own flaws. From the media we may draw-up our own “gods” and “monsters” in an attempt to fulfill our own psychological wishes. Who we idolize or despise may tell who we are and vital in shaping our identity. Thus, any misrepresentation of character in the media may affect the perception of anyone and create a false impression on those who identifies with such character.

Despite the inconsistency of purpose and our role in its perpetuation, the mass media has been the instrument that gives us the perspectives we need to live life meaningfully by its presentation of ordinary lives that makes a difference in the greater scheme of things. We learn the lessons of the past and give us a glimpse of possibilities and insights to our tomorrow. Whether it is in politics, art, religion or business, and in whatever area of human endeavor, we find inspiration for us to emerge from mediocrity to greatness. Moreover, mass media has the power to unite and bring us together for noble causes.

Ultimately, we have the power to influence mass media rather than manipulate us to serve the commercial interest of the industry by weighing down every single item that is presented to us. We do not have to believe everything because they are in the media. It is possible to manage a wiser attitude towards what we watch, hear or read. We should learn to be more open and critical at the same time. We must be ready to change our habits and transcend our petty subconscious so that mass media for us will not be just a mere springboard for our frustrations and an escape to feed our delusions of fame and grandeur. Yes, it is possible for anyone to live a remarkable existence like those figures we admire most. On the other hand, anyone can achieve prominence as those we despise most. By turning our passivity to more active stand for a better mass media, we may be able to find ourselves, our identity; to discover what we can truly achieve and what greatness and possibility lies beyond our present limit, with or without publicity.


DJ FLAME
July 6, 2009